Parental Discipline & Physical Abuse
At what point does parental discipline move from corporal punishment to physical abuse? This question is often raised by policy makers in an attempt to put forth the premise that corporal punishment is an acceptable form of behavior for a parent to engage in while rearing a child. Rather than attempting to answer this question from that premise, it seems more effective to first define what is meant by the terms corporal punishment, discipline, positive discipline, and positive reinforcement and then proceed to define the boundaries of parental authority within a family system.
Corporal Punishment
Unfortunately, corporal punishment has been viewed as a theoretically good idea. In American culture, physical coercion to force compliance has traditionally been accepted as a legitimate form parental discipline. The contemporary literature seems to disagree. Taken in the broadest sense, corporal punishment commonly refers to the use of any physical coercive means of ensuring compliance with a set of rules and/or demands given by a person or entity in a higher position of power and authority. Corporal punishment traces its roots back to an age when physical survival of a tribe depended on unity and compliance within a hierarchical structure (Smirnov et al., 2007). The life of the tribe was intimately connected with the life of the hero / warrior engaged in a battle against another tribe. Disobedience or treason within the tribe could have disastrous consequences, such as the death of an individual member or the death or enslavement of the tribe. This is why treason against one's tribe / country is commonly considered as a capital offense and why in some cultures treason or bringing dishonor to one's family through disobedience is deserving of the ultimate form of corporal punishment: death. See Honor Killings.
Discipline
The term discipline comes the Latin words "discipulus" (learner, pupil), "disciplina" (teaching, instructing), and "disciplinosus" (well-trained) (de Vaan, 2008, p. 172). Putting these words together helps us to understand how to arrive at a common operational definition for discipline which I propose should be: ‘that which is necessary to instruct so as to learn, gain knowledge, and become well-trained.' Under this construction of the term, discipline has a positive connotation because there is no inclusion of one person acting against another person. Discipline, at its root, therefore emanates from the self; as in self-determination, self-awareness, and/or self-control. From this flows the idea that parental discipline should be targeted to engage a child in that which is necessary to instruct them how to become self-disciplined out of a deep respect for themselves. A child who has been honored and respected by parents who are self-disciplined and respect each other, learns how to model his or her behavior after the parents. Therefore, the ‘necessary to instruct’ part of the definition creates a parental authority boundary based upon the fundamental principle of nonmalfeasance – i.e. ‘do no harm.’
Positive Discipline
The goal of discipline within a family should be for a parent to do that which is necessary to prospectively and positively teach a child how to conform his or her conduct to the social norms of society without causing the child emotional, physical, or mental harm. This definition of discipline suggests that in order for the methods of teaching to be effective and positive (i.e., instructive and non-harming) it should consist of the following:
behaviors in children; such as aggression and low self-esteem (Gershof, 2002, p. 567).
Context & Parental Response
Who is right? Taking the example of a parent slapping a child’s hand, there can be two different expressions which seem to support both points of view from the following narratives:
Corporal Punishment
Unfortunately, corporal punishment has been viewed as a theoretically good idea. In American culture, physical coercion to force compliance has traditionally been accepted as a legitimate form parental discipline. The contemporary literature seems to disagree. Taken in the broadest sense, corporal punishment commonly refers to the use of any physical coercive means of ensuring compliance with a set of rules and/or demands given by a person or entity in a higher position of power and authority. Corporal punishment traces its roots back to an age when physical survival of a tribe depended on unity and compliance within a hierarchical structure (Smirnov et al., 2007). The life of the tribe was intimately connected with the life of the hero / warrior engaged in a battle against another tribe. Disobedience or treason within the tribe could have disastrous consequences, such as the death of an individual member or the death or enslavement of the tribe. This is why treason against one's tribe / country is commonly considered as a capital offense and why in some cultures treason or bringing dishonor to one's family through disobedience is deserving of the ultimate form of corporal punishment: death. See Honor Killings.
Discipline
The term discipline comes the Latin words "discipulus" (learner, pupil), "disciplina" (teaching, instructing), and "disciplinosus" (well-trained) (de Vaan, 2008, p. 172). Putting these words together helps us to understand how to arrive at a common operational definition for discipline which I propose should be: ‘that which is necessary to instruct so as to learn, gain knowledge, and become well-trained.' Under this construction of the term, discipline has a positive connotation because there is no inclusion of one person acting against another person. Discipline, at its root, therefore emanates from the self; as in self-determination, self-awareness, and/or self-control. From this flows the idea that parental discipline should be targeted to engage a child in that which is necessary to instruct them how to become self-disciplined out of a deep respect for themselves. A child who has been honored and respected by parents who are self-disciplined and respect each other, learns how to model his or her behavior after the parents. Therefore, the ‘necessary to instruct’ part of the definition creates a parental authority boundary based upon the fundamental principle of nonmalfeasance – i.e. ‘do no harm.’
Positive Discipline
The goal of discipline within a family should be for a parent to do that which is necessary to prospectively and positively teach a child how to conform his or her conduct to the social norms of society without causing the child emotional, physical, or mental harm. This definition of discipline suggests that in order for the methods of teaching to be effective and positive (i.e., instructive and non-harming) it should consist of the following:
- (1) Be prospectively applied – Prospectively disciplining a child means teaching boundaries and rules before he or she breaks or exceeds them. Parents who expect a child to behave a certain way without informing the child of the expectation are setting the child up for failure. Often this is how parent-child disciplinary behaviors become abusive. For example, a common parent-child disciplinary behavior that is abusive is a parent slapping the hand of a 3 year old child at the check-out lane of the supermarket while the child is grabbing for the chocolate bars after being told several times that they could not have them. Even when hitting the child is not part of the picture, frequently the parent will fail to draw an appropriate boundary for child prior to shopping.
- (2) Be within the child’s cognitive-physical-emotive capacity to comply – the child’s ability to comply with a parental directive or set of instructions becomes a contextual factor in assessing whether or not a particular form of discipline is abusive. Parents must take into account the mental, emotional, and physical temperament of their child when disciplining them.
- (3) Be non-harming – parental disciplinary behaviors must be non-harming to the child
behaviors in children; such as aggression and low self-esteem (Gershof, 2002, p. 567).
Context & Parental Response
Who is right? Taking the example of a parent slapping a child’s hand, there can be two different expressions which seem to support both points of view from the following narratives:
- a) Mom tells her 2 year old daughter not to touch the stove because it may burn her hand. When the little girl touches the stove, the mother quickly slaps her daughter’s wrist and says; “You must not touch the stove or it could really hurt you and mommy does not want you to get hurt.” In this example, the potential physical harm that the child could endure as a result of disobeying the mother’s instructions tends to outweigh the negative aspects of hurting the child’s feelings and causing her temporary pain in her wrist.
- b) Dad is sitting on the couch watching his favorite TV program and his 4 year old son keeps changing the channel and giggling. Dad has never told his son that he is not allowed to change the channels. Dad suddenly gets angry and grabs his son’s arm and slaps his wrist real hard several times saying; “Don’t mess with my remote you little shit, now cut it out before knock your head off”.
This chart illustrates the importance of setting boundaries and proactively instructing children how to comply with either non-physical or physical consequences for non-compliant behavior. Much of the literature suggests that corporal punishment is an ineffective form of discipline and mostly abusive in practice. Yet, Baumrind et al. (2002) claims that moderate spanking, or normative spanking, can be an effective method of discipline and not physically abusive. These researchers argue that adults who experienced this form of discipline as children did not show any outward signs of emotional impairment as adults and that their parents reported the spanking corrected bad or unwanted behaviors. However, the American Academy of Pediatrics (1998) argues that in order for discipline techniques to be effective they “must occur in the context of a relationship in which” a child feels “loved and secure” (p. 723). Corporal punishment that involves hitting a child can create a climate of fear and terror which raises the potential for the child to feel rejected, unloved, worthless, or insecure toward parental objects (Garbarino, Guttmann, & Seeley, 1986). Based on this research, it is reasonable to conclude that it is physically abusive to a child whenever the disciplinary behaviors of his or her parent(s) (in the form of corporal punishment) cause, or have a reasonable likelihood to cause the child to feel unloved, insecure, rejected, worthless, and/or terrorized; regardless of whether or not the child's affective response becomes permanent or shows up in adulthood.